Pathwork teaches us that our Child Consciousness processes life in absolutes, or 100%/0% – while in reality it’s 50/50. As a Love Type my Child Consciousness manifests as, “You either love me or you dislike me.” Moreover, anybody who doesn’t love me is a threat to me, and, loving is a defense mechanism.
I’ve had hundreds of interactions with our beloved Spiritual Director. Sometimes, the way she interacts with me, I feel like the most loved and adored human being on the planet. Other times, I see an exasperation that seems to say, “OMG, could this person possibly be a bigger pain in neck!” That used to hobble me. Now I accept it. 50/50. I’m OK.
The more I accept 50/50, the more I accept myself. Just because someone is upset with me right now doesn’t mean I’m not whole, magical, wonderful, etc. Just because I behaved like a jerk, doesn’t mean I am a jerk.
Recently my Pathwork Helper asked me if I thought I should love everybody.
I don’t think I should, like an obligation, but I do think that’s the opportunity here on Earth. Jesus didn’t just love some people.
I like to believe each of us comes into this world open to loving everything and being loved by everyone, and it’s only our defenses that keep us from loving. If I don’t love another, is that because of them or because of me?
I’m grounded in the notion that everyone has something vital to offer. I’m also clear that what I reject in others is almost always something I reject in myself. If I’m awake, if my Adult Consciousness drops in, I can see that any disdain or irritation I have for another is the opportunity to do some work on myself. In Pathwork, we call that a “Beautiful Problem.” It’s the opportunity to take on that if you’re sad, irritated, rageful, etc. that’s about you, not the person or the situation that triggered you. That’s the true gift of annoying people. But truly!
The way I express myself (I’m told I come off as arrogant – must be the yawning chasm of my insecurity) often irritates people. It’s something I’m working on. But I’m working harder on self-acceptance. Not minding. Being at peace with not everyone liking me and not always being “gotten.” Being more and more present to the reality of 50/50.
A wonderful friend of mine will take what seems like five hours to tell you as nicely as possible that you look fat in that dress and might want to consider something else. It’s fun to watch when you have time, and annoying as hell when you don’t. If you ask me if you look fat in the dress, I’m going to tell you.
I’m doing the best I can for now. If that’s not good enough for you, I hope you’ll stick around. I’m working very hard to do better.
In the meantime, if I piss you off, you might take that on as a beautiful problem. You’re the one who’s triggered, not me.
William Weil is a member of the Pittsburgh Pathwork Board, author of New Earth Relationships and founder of LovePong.com – an interactive website and app for couples.